that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
