I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
love makes seman taste better
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
