Will you blow on my dice?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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