i was born a porn star she said
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
