i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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