I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
