Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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