how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
