His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
