I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
