tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
