i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
