Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Drake has all the answers
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
