you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
and you fell through a lawn chair
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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