some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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