Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
