Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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