You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
