My nipple is on Facebook.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
