Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
