oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
