Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
