Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We left an ass print on the piano.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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