You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
