Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
