Small penises have feelings too.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
