Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
pop tarts are not kleenex
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
