Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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