absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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