I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
