it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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