# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
