Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
