Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
