i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
