So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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