I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
