i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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