He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
