A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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