Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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