Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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