My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
