So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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