Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
