yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
