according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
