i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
