I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
