These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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