what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
