Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
