They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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