You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
