how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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